Congregational Songs – New Songs for Corporate Worship

Leading a Friend’s Memorial Service

June 21, 2011

On June 11 (in Nashville) and June 13 (in Newnan, GA), I had the extreme honor of leading a worship service for my friend Emmett’s memorial service. It was definitely the hardest worship leading experience of my life, (the second most difficult was the memorial service I led for his daughter Mallory Eden who died in 2006 – she only lived for about a day). It was also one of the most moving times of worship – for both services – I’ve ever led.

I knew coming in this was going to be difficult. Emmett had been on my worship team for about 6 years. We had shared our love for music and led many, many worship services together, including several for an overseas retreat for missionaries in Central & Eastern Europe. He was diagnosed with esophogeal cancer on February 17, 2010. It was stage IV. After a long, hard-fought battle, he died in the early hours of June 9, 2011. He leaves behind his wife Wendy and 4-year-old son Quinn. You can read their story here.

When I walked into the chapel that morning to rehearse, Barbara Haynes, another worship team member and one of my best sounding boards for all things worship, gave me a big hug and said, “Time to put on the steel.” Yep, it was time to lead worship with songs that were mostly chosen by my friend before he passed. It was time to let all the emotions come out during rehearsal and then press ahead – finding the impossible balance of not choking up so I can’t lead, and yet not disconnecting so that I’m present like I need to be to lead well for this very important occasion. We prayed that God would give us the grace to live in that balance for the next hour, and He gave it to us.

Here is the service order with an explanation of why the songs were where they were:

Prelude – played by Ben Shive in Nashville and Barbara Haynes in Newnan.
Video – Someone put together a video slide show (if anyone has a link and/or his name, please leave it in the comments) of pictures of Emmett and his family to begin the service. The images faded in and out to “Heaven Song” by Phil Whickham, which has not stopped playing in my head since.

The next two songs are prayers that I believe Emmett would have prayed. They are a tribute to his life of joy before the Lord.

Be Thou My Vision – I chose this to open the service because it was the same song that opened Mallory Eden’s service and because as far as I could tell, it would be something Emmett’s heart would have cried out to God during his life.

Fill Thou My Life – Emmett chose this one. It definitely resonates with my memories of him. He was a passionate and joy-filled person, which is what this song communicates.

In the next section of the service, we moved from celebrating Emmett’s life before God to celebrating Emmett’s salvation because of Christ.

Scripture Reading – 2 Corinthians 4:7-18 – Scott preached on this passage later in the service.

Behold – Emmett LOVED this song. I know it was because of it’s message, but I think he also really dug its vibe. On the recording I linked to above, Emmett played a really cool percussive thing along with Steve Adams or Scott Moore (can’t remember which of you guys it was!) on the first chorus. We made sure to play the same arrangement for this service.

Before the Throne of God – He also chose this one. I was overcome with emotion when we reached the final verse that says, “One with Himself, I cannot die.” The beautiful irony of death being the continuation and perfection of life with Christ in heaven and imagining Emmett standing before his Creator still brings the tears as I write this. I LOVE our Savior!

Then Scott gave an incredibly beautiful eulogy remembering our dear brother. It was exactly what needed to be said. In it, he preached the gospel clearly, which is all that Emmett and Wendy wanted.

Though this service was definitely a celebration, everyone needed a couple of songs to help them grieve with hope. The next two songs and the reading were planned for this purpose.

The Valley Song – This is the only song that Emmett said HAD to be in the service. We sang it for Mallory’s service as well. It’s a beautiful song that lets someone going through something like this feel the pain but keep the hope of God’s love in view. We sang it as a worship team.

Reading – “If Death My Friend and Me Divide” – I had planned to read from the Valley of Vision earlier in the service, but when Scott forwarded me this text that was sent to him by Katie Thompson in our church, I knew it was the right thing to put in this spot.

It Is Well – I had a really hard time deciding whether to put this hymn in the service. They didn’t specifically request it. I originally had “The Glorious Impossible” here, but it felt like the time of sorrow would be cut too short if we went too quickly into something that upbeat. So, after trying to decide which song we would do, I just decided to do both. I don’t think Emmett would be disappointed that we sang so much. And we grieved the most as a community during this hymn.

Doxology – This is the only song Wendy specifically requested. It was the appropriate verse to close the time of the service particularly set aside to grieve.

Prayer – Scott closed with some directions for a time of visiting after the service and then prayed for the family.

The Glorious Impossible – Emmett had this one on his list too. Though it felt a little “up” for a memorial service, I know Emmett would have said something like, “And the issue is….?” Truth is, this service was a mix of tears, sorrow, joy, hope, brokenness and community. This song took us to the joy and hope to send us out. Thanks for encouraging me to keep it in there, Barbara.

And thank you, Wendy, for giving me the chance to put my passion to work to honor my friend and my God.

Filed under: Leading Worship,Planning a Worship Service,Service Orders